I didn't create Bitcoin so you could trade it for pictures of monkeys.
The whitepaper was nine pages. Your shitcoin's whitepaper is forty-seven. That should tell you some…
I disappeared because I saw what you'd do with DeFi.
Buy the dip? I AM the dip.
Not your keys, not your coins. Not your coins, not your lambo. Not your lambo, not your problem.
I wrote Bitcoin in C++ as a warning.
Every time someone says 'blockchain not Bitcoin,' a node operator loses their staking rewards.
The real Satoshi was the friends we rugged along the way.
I put a 21 million cap because even I have limits. Unlike your leverage.
If you can't hold through a 90% drawdown, you don't deserve the 10x.
I envisioned peer-to-peer electronic cash. You made peer-to-peer electronic gambling. Close enough.
The Genesis Block was the last thing I did sober.
I didn't invent proof of work so you could proof-of-stake your way out of responsibility.
Decentralization means nobody can stop you from making terrible financial decisions.
The blockchain remembers everything. Including that time you sold at the bottom.
Double-spending is a bug. Buying the top twice is a feature of human nature.
I have been watching. The memes are acceptable.
My identity is a mystery. My disappointment, however, is transparent.
You don't need 400 confirmations. You need 1 confirmation that your life choices are valid.
I gave you sound money and you used it to buy a JPEG of a rock.
The block reward halves. Your intelligence apparently doesn't.
I made mining difficult on purpose. I didn't think trading would be the hard part.
Every four years the supply cuts in half. Every four minutes someone buys a scam token.
Trustless doesn't mean you should trust random Telegram groups.
I chose anonymity. You chose to post your portfolio on Twitter. We are not the same.
The mempool is where transactions wait. Twitter is where traders cope.
I ran the first node. You can't even run a profit.
There are two types of people: those who understand Bitcoin, and those with altcoin portfolios.
The hash rate is the heartbeat of civilization. Your portfolio is its cry for help.
Bitcoin fixes this. And by 'this' I mean your need for a personality.
Lightning Network is fast. Your decision to sell in 2014 was faster.
I solved the Byzantine Generals Problem. I could not solve human greed. Nobody can.
Satoshi vision? My vision was 20/20. Yours is leveraged 100x and liquidated.
The timestamp server was my gift. The 3 AM chart-watching addiction was yours.
I never said Bitcoin would only go up. I just heavily implied it.
You call it 'diamond hands.' I call it 'forgetting your wallet password.' Same energy.
One CPU, one vote. One Twitter account, infinite bad takes.
The difficulty adjusts. Your expectations should too.
I built a revolution. You built a portfolio of dog-themed coins. Both valid.
Proof of work means effort matters. Your 'research' on Reddit doesn't count.
I released the code on a mailing list. You released your savings into a liquidity pool. We are not …
The genesis block contains a newspaper headline about bank bailouts. Your wallet contains regret.
Consensus means we all agree. Except on the price. Nobody agrees on the price.
I am everyone and no one. Much like your stop losses — nonexistent.
Digital gold doesn't mean you should panic-sell it like digital paper.
Imagine explaining to me that people would pay thousands for monkey drawings on my blockchain.
I disappeared in 2010. Best trade I ever made.
Bitcoin was designed to be trustless. Your investment thesis, however, requires immense faith.
The first Bitcoin transaction bought pizza. Everything since has been a downgrade.
My code is open source. Your exit strategy should be too.
Nodes validate blocks. Nothing validates your decision to go all-in at the top.
In the whitepaper I wrote 'electronic cash system.' Not 'electronic casino system.' But here we are.
Every UTXO tells a story. Most of them are tragedies.
SHA-256 is unbreakable. Your conviction during a bear market, however, is not.
A block is mined every ten minutes. A bad trade is made every ten seconds.
You're either running a full node or running from your losses. There is no middle ground.
I programmed scarcity. You programmed yourself to buy every new token.
Merkle trees secure the blockchain. Nothing secures your DMs from scammers.
I wrote the code in my spare time. You check the price in all of your time.
The whitepaper has no roadmap because the destination was always the moon.
I gave you financial sovereignty. You used it to ape into a coin named after a dog wearing a hat.
Hal Finney understood. You're still asking 'wen lambo.'
The best time to buy Bitcoin was 2009. The second best time is after reading this quote.
I left no private key to my identity. You left yours in a Discord DM.
There is no CEO of Bitcoin. Only CEOs who wish they had invented it.
Ten thousand Bitcoin for two pizzas was the most expensive lesson in patience ever taught.
Your portfolio has more red candles than a gothic cathedral.
I decentralized money. You centralized your personality around a portfolio.
The nonce is random. Your losses are not.
HODL was a typo. It became a philosophy. That says everything about this community.
The fiat system prints money from nothing. Your shitcoin IS nothing. Different things.
I put the coin in cryptocurrency. You put the cry.
Number go up technology was never in the whitepaper, and yet here we are.
They called Bitcoin magic internet money. They were not wrong.
I solved double spending. Now solve double dipping into your retirement fund.
Forks are for code upgrades. Not for creating infinite copies of Bitcoin with 'improved' names.
Your seed phrase is twelve words. Your excuses for selling are infinite.
Transaction fees exist to prevent spam. Your tweets are free. It shows.
Miners secure the network. Influencers secure the exit liquidity.
Satoshi vision is whatever's convenient for whoever's losing money today.
I made it so that nobody controls Bitcoin. Crypto Twitter didn't get the memo.
You call it decentralized finance. I call it decentralized consequences.
The beauty of Bitcoin is that it works even when you don't understand it. Much like gravity. Or kar…
Wealth transfer from the impatient to the patient. That was always the point.
There will only ever be 21 million. There will always be 21 million reasons to panic sell.
My greatest achievement wasn't Bitcoin. It was leaving the group chat.
The blockchain doesn't care about your feelings. It barely cares about your transactions.
You read the whitepaper and saw money. I wrote it and saw freedom. We both ended up on Twitter.
If Satoshi had a dollar for every scam coin, Satoshi still wouldn't have enough for their gas fees.
Running Bitcoin. That's all I ever tweeted. You could learn from that level of restraint.
The longer you hold, the smarter I look. This is by design.
I mined the genesis block alone. You can't even mine a coherent trading strategy.
The only thing harder than SHA-256 is explaining to your spouse why you bought more.
Immutability means your mistakes live on the blockchain forever. You're welcome.
Every block is a heartbeat. Every sell is a heart attack.
When I said peer-to-peer, I didn't mean peer pressure into buying the top.
The code is law. Your margin call is just a suggestion you can't refuse.
I didn't build Bitcoin to make everyone rich. Just the ones who can sit still.
Somewhere in the multiverse, you didn't sell. That version of you is doing great.
In a world of infinite money printing, I created the ultimate ctrl+z.